Rapport. Merriam’s says
rapport is “relation characterized by harmony, conformity, accord, or
affinity.” I can’t even begin to describe the importance the ability to build
rapport brings to the team. It is one of the most overused words when talking
about Foreign Internal Defense (FID) or Special Forces, but so many times
it is either not really understood, or completely ignored. Even though the word
may be overused, there are not many who truly understand it or are
capable of applying it in real-world situations.
The ability to build rapport is one of, if not the most
important skill Special Forces brings to the table. This importance starts
in Robin Sage. After
the brutally long infil, you have to conduct a link-up with a couple of
guerillas (Gs) sent to guide you to the vicinity of their base (G base). When
you do finally get there, you won’t be allowed into the G base. You probably
won't be allowed to even meet the G chief for a few hours, or maybe not even until
the next day.
You set up your own patrol base near them, but you are not
allowed to move into the camp until you have built rapport with
the—specifically, the G chief. If something happens, or doesn't happen, the
team will find that their newfound rapport has been burned, and you will
be kicked out of the camp and have to start over. You'll start back at
square one, working just to be allowed to move back into the camp.
Many of the scenarios are designed to test you on your ability
to teach and lead foreign troops, but ethical questions will pop up, and your
reactions will be judged by the instructors, the Gs, and the G chief. Often,
these scenarios deal with human-rights violations, and you are judged both on
how you handle the situations internally and what happens after.
These ethical scenarios are important for two reasons.
First, if you have developed a good relationship with the Gs and have
strong rapport, you may be able to convince them not to perform an
act—an important lesson. Second, instructors can see how you react, or how
you deal with difficult situations. What did you do or say that would
negatively affect your future relationship with the Gs, and most importantly,
the mission?
My mission during Robin Sage was to secure and set up the drop
zone (DZ) for a resupply operation. Two Gs and I went early in the morning to
conduct reconnaissance on the DZ. Our job was to initially make sure it was
clear, watch it throughout the day, then, at night, set it up and receive the
bundles.
My guys were playing the part of the surly Gs perfectly.
Initially, nothing came easy with them, and I had to use all my powers of
persuasion to get them to do anything. As we were sitting on the edge of the
clearing all day, bored out of our minds, something changed. They realized they
liked me, and things became easier. They opened up, and eventually I even got
them to break character. One of them worked at the hospital, and this was his
fourth time doing Robin Sage. I was able to get some good info from him for the
rest of the exercise.
Rapport, not just for foreign troops
I learned something incredibly important during that exercise:
Rapport building is not only important for working with local nationals (LN),
it can be used in pretty much every part of your life.
When I first got to Group, the command sergeant major told us,
as part of his in-brief, that he wanted us to “practice your rapport
skills with the conventional soldiers here on base.” He was kind of a turd
(couldn’t wear our issued cold-weather gear or issued boots on main post, we
could only wear it in the field or at a range), and I’m pretty sure he just
said that so we wouldn’t piss off the conventional 1SGs or sergeant majors, but
that line always stuck with me.
I started implementing it with the support guys (especially the
commo section) and other sections, units, or individuals I came in contact
with. Sometimes it was because I needed something from them, sometimes it was
because I might need something from them in the future. Sometimes it was
because I’m just a friendly person, and once or twice it was because she had
big boobs.
The difference between building rapport and “just being a nice
guy” is the motivation behind it. Often, those two will intersect nicely; other
times, they will clash. When someone goes out with the intention of building
rapport, it is usually because there is a reason. The reasons run the gamut
from "I want them to follow me into a house where bad guys are," to
"when I leave, I want them to have good thoughts when they think about
America." You may need them to protect your life, or you may be asking
them to risk theirs.
Just because this sounds very calculated, manipulative, and
selfish, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. It usually is like that because it
has to be. Just because it’s calculated doesn’t mean it’s not real or honest.
There are many reasons someone chooses to help you, but when push comes to
shove, and the shady shit starts to happen, the only reason they will help you
is because they personally like you.
People can sense when they are being used, and often can sense
how you really feel about them. If you walk around with a big ego, thinking you
are better than everyone, it won’t take you far. I am still friends to this day
with some of the commo guys. I started out knowing I would need their help
someday, and I wanted to have a relationship with them. Just because there
are calculations behind it doesn’t mean it has to be phony.
I believe rapport-building skills can and should be utilized in
all walks of life. It is not just for the Special Forces soldier teaching basic
rifle marksmanship in the Philippines, it can also be used when you are dealing
with Afghani tribal elders, the colonel from the 101st who owns
the battle space you want to work in, your coworkers, or Bianca, the really hot
chick who works at the coffee shop.
Loren's rules for building rapport
1. Understand their culture. This is so
important. Without an understanding of the rules, how can you ever hope to play
the game? The culture could be a multi-ethnic religious tribal understanding.
You might be dealing with a conventional army unit whose senior leadership
"hates those guys with beards." It could be office politics,
understanding the unofficial hierarchy where you work, or wooing the cute
girl in your building who looks great in yoga pants. You have to learn the
rules, or you will blow your rapport before you even start.
2. The Golden Rule: Treat others like you want to be
treated. Know that people around the world may be very different
from you, but if you look hard enough, you will realize that there
are similarities. All people want to be treated with respect and dignity,
and feel that they are valued. They need to believe that they have something to
offer, and be listened to.
This is probably the most important. This has to be real, or at
least as real as you can possibly get. If someone is just a generally worthless
human, with few redeeming qualities, try to find at least one little thing to
focus on. People often know if someone is pretending or lying, so when you
interact with them, think about the things they may do right, or a positive
quality.
It’s not a time for egos or attitudes. If you go in with the
“ugly American” attitude, not only are you headed for failure, but you could be
developing an environment ripe for the enemy to use. By disenfranchising
potential allies, you are giving the enemy the environment needed to
co-opt your soldiers for intelligence purposes or for direct attacks. The Institute
for the Study of War studied green-on-blue attacks in Afghanistan from
2007-2012, and they suggest that:
There are two main narratives purporting to explain why
green-on-blue attacks happen and why they are happening more frequently:
grievances and infiltration. Grievance-based insider attacks occur because of
cultural misunderstandings between foreign and Afghan troops, low morale, and
revenge for perceived insults or provocations. Attacks caused by insurgent
initiative are pre-planned violence organized by groups like the Quetta Shura
Taliban or their Haqqani Network associates who have infiltrated the ANSF or
influenced existing members to execute attacks.
3. In all your interactions, be genuine (or as genuine as you
possibly can). This goes right along with rule number two. People
intuitively know when you aren’t being real. They can sense when they are being
used. Sometimes that’s okay. When you both have something the other wants,
then that can be used. But understand the relationship will only last as
long as it is mutually beneficial.
4. Find out their motivation. Even before the
first time you meet them, you should be studying. Learn as much as you can
about their culture and their society. Try to learn the rules. If you know
people who have been there and know the different personalities, talk to
them and ask them questions. From the first time you meet, you need to listen
and assess what is said, learn to hear what wasn’t said, and try to understand
them. Try and see what makes them tick. What is their motivation? What do they
want or need? Don’t go in with your preconceived notions set in stone;
everything must be fluid. Very often, the truth on the ground is different than
what you originally thought.
5. Come up with a plan. During every interaction,
more information or data will come to you. Learn to be able to see those little
pieces, and understand what they are and what they mean. Some information
may not be useful now, but it very well might come in handy in the future.
Figure out what you want, what they want, and then try to come up with a plan
where all parties win. This is not espionage or trying to get dirt on someone,
this is attempting to build relationships with people where everyone benefits.
The best analogy to explain the difference between building
rapport and building relationships for more sinister motivations such as
espionage, is the act of trying to meet girls. Take, for example,
those who are just trying to meet girls to get laid, have a one-night
stand, and then bounce, versus those who are trying to meet a girl because
they think they could have a real relationship with her. The latter
would be what I consider rapport.
6. Be willing to invest time, money, or assets. For
this relationship to be real, for it to be more than just both of you
temporarily using each other, it takes time. It doesn't happen overnight; it
takes time, energy, trust, and coming through with what you promised. Helping
them without expecting anything back, eating dinner with them, drinking tea,
participating with them through hard times and common struggles. When they know
you are willing to put your money, time, energy, and body on the line for them,
they will start to open up. That is when the important stuff happens.
I will finish this up with a couple of points.
- Never promise
them something you are not 100 percent sure you can deliver on. If you say
you can do or deliver something, be damn sure you can follow through.
- Never go more
than 49-percent native. You may empathize, sympathize, and genuinely like
the people you are working with. That’s good. That’s what you want. But in
a military setting, never forget that you are an American, and a
representative of America. It’s easy to get sucked in with those men
you’ve sweated and bled alongside, but in the end, you do what you are
told. In the civilian world, don’t give up so much of yourself that you
forget who you truly are.
This video is textbook in what not to do when conducting FID and
attempting to build rapport: How not to do FID.
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