Big Boy Rules: Part 1

I started this project trying to help certain people who, due to combat experience, are struggling with things they saw or did. Some call it PTSD, and the new term being tossed around is Moral Trauma. I wanted to help people learn to change their thinking, how they view themselves and the world. This project kind of got a little out of hand and became a multi-part essay, titled Big Boy Rules.

To get to my end state I decided that certain definitions and concepts had to be defined and, in some cases, corrected.

What is a warrior? (PART 1 of Big Boy Rules)

I’m sick and tired of people stealing our words and culture and bastardizing powerful ideals to make money. I think it’s time that we as a warrior society take back our language and culture, and take pride in who we are and what we have done. If anyone can develop the “Warrior Ethos” to lose weight, be a better businessman or overcome some hardship, it lessens our sacrifice and calling. If anyone can be a Warrior, what makes us so special? If getting the kids ready for school is a “battle” when a neighbor has a “violent” coughing fit; then lessens our experiences, blood, sweat and loss and they don't mean as much.

What is a warrior? Webster’s states that a Warrior is "a man engaged or experienced in warfare."

At its essence, you can’t have a warrior without the possibility of war. Unfortunately, the word has been hijacked from its true meaning. The emasculation and feminization of the modern world either seeks to demonize certain traits or characteristics as old fashioned, or it attempts to steal certain words that historically have meant one thing but, due to overuse, the true visceral meaning is watered down. Anyone who dares contradict the modern meaning is vilified as being insensitive, ignorant or my favorite, unenlightened. They will either attack you for using “hate speech”, or say that you are “inciting violence” when you say something as simple as “targeting.” Or they will go the opposite way, and try to over use them so they aren't as powerful, just like fucking hipsters and beards.

Society overuses the word "warrior" trying to get rid of the image of a man engaged in combat. It is now a yoga pose - The Warrior is “any of a number of standing poses in yoga in which the legs are held apart and the arms are stretched outwards.” Do a google search and you find spiritual warriors, warrior cats, Greenpeace has the “Rainbow Warrior.” If you don’t like breast cancer you can be a “Warrior in Pink,” or if you are fighting diabetes you can be a “Diabetes Warrior.” All are attempts to dilute the power of that one little word.

I saw this quote from Moreihei Ueshiba, who is the founder of the art of Aikido: “The Way of the Warrior has been misunderstood. It is not a means to kill and destroy others. To smash, injure, or destroy is the worst thing a human being can do. The real Way of a Warrior is to prevent such slaughter — it is the Art of Peace, the power of love.’

Well I have one little word for Mr. Ueshiba.....Bullshit! I know he is a high highfalutin, enlightened, eastern martial arts master who's buddy buddy with the fucking Buddha himself, and his intense lifelong study has put him on a higher plane than us mere fucking mortals. But he can take that toy wooden sword, stick it up his ass and spin. Ask an ancient Viking, Knight or Mongol if being a warrior is truly the “art of Peace, the Power of love?” After they finished kicking your ass, they would throw you out and go back to drinking.

A popular police blog says, “Warriors are persons who risk life and limb to protect their countries, communities, families and friends: in short, they protect others. We believe a warrior is a protector of all life — including the lives of criminals and enemies — if possible.” I will let a quote from a famous movie give my reply to that nonsense…

"Conan! What is best in life?"
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentation of their women."
"That is good! That is good." Conan The Barbarian

The goal when coming up with my definition was that it would apply to every culture throughout history that had a Warrior society, and it would meet these three criteria:

1. Why did they do it?
2. Who did they do it for, and
3. Make sure the definition fits any group, as long as it was seen from the perspective of that society's values and norms.

So what, in my opinion, is a warrior? 

“A Warrior is someone who is called to war for the benefit of his people.”

A Warrior’s life is dedicated to and preparing for war. He craves the opportunity to test himself in a righteous battle. When a soldier only ever trains, it’s like an athlete who devotes his life to the game, but only ever sits on the bench.

For those of us who had joined before 9/11 this was talked about, but only between brothers, and never where outsiders could overhear. Constant training in the skills of combat, yet never knowing if you would be able to “play in the game,” was frustrating, and if the wrong person heard these thoughts they looked at you as if you were fucked up and needed to be hospitalized.

People who joined after 9/11 never had to think about this because our country had been attacked, and they were going to get a chance to play. They didn't have to come to this understanding; they knew they were going to war, which is why they joined.

In a few years, warriors will once again have to go through these mental gymnastics. They will see the CIBs and combat patch, and secretly wish for their chance. It is one reason why Warriors are drawn to SOF. They have the hardest and most realistic combat training, and they will be the first ones to taste combat because they are the tip of the spear. In today’s society this type of thinking is frowned upon. The yearning for war and the desire to test yourself is seen as aberrant behavior.

For those of us who went and came back, we are looked at by some as if we are dangerous or damaged. If our stories are told, both the good and the bad, they are met by sadness and pity. People say they are "sorry" for what we had go through. Their sympathy is offensive to me, I neither want nor need it.

The Warrior's life is lonely. People sense that there is something different about them. Loved ones try to change them, friends don’t understand and coworkers sense there is something “off.” They act like a domesticated animal when it senses a predator in the area.

This is why a Warrior seeks the company of his brothers. They are the only ones who understand and can relate. Brothers are the ones who can sit and listen without shock, sadness, horror or pity. Without judgement or disgust. How can a therapist understand and help you if he/she looks at you like you are “broken” and need to be fixed. I’m not saying there isn't a time and place to get professional help, because there is, but pick your doctor carefully.

If you have a healthy view of combat already, seek out and try to help those who are struggling. That is what this brotherhood is all about.

Not all who join the military are Warriors. People join for many reasons, and the Warriors couldn't do their job of killing, mayhem and destruction, if they had to worry about everything else, too. Being a soldier is a career, but being a Warrior is a calling. I don’t know if Warriors are born, created or a combination of both, but when a man understands and embraces his true nature, that is when the Warrior comes out.

Many who came in before 9-11 did it for the sole purpose of either a career, or for the college, and usually avoided the combat arms. Post 9-11, this still happened, but no one who joined can say they didn’t know what they were getting into. People who joined and signed up for the combat arms, knowing we were at war, were either lied to by their recruiter, didn't know exactly what they were getting into, or they knew and were searching for something that was inside them and they wanted to see if they met the standards of those who came before, and the heroes they looked up too.

As I said, I don’t know if a Warrior is born or created, but for me, I think I was born fucked up. Everything should have been against me treading this path. My dad was a preacher and I grew up in a wonderful Christian home. My mother’s family were Mennonites from Kansas. My father never owned a gun, in fact I had to buy my first gun, a .22, with money I earned.

I always wanted to join the military, I played with GI Joes till I was 13 and had more camo than a surplus store. I played army in the woods with all of my free time and I read any and every book about war I could find. I went through a phase in the 6th grade where I was reading books on mercenaries, and then I started in on Vietnam and devoured everything I could on the SEALs and Green Berets. To this day those men are my heros, and I get a little excited when I meet them (like a normal person would act when meeting a celebrity).

My parents, God bless them, started to become worried, because they sensed something different in me, I believe they thought it was a darkness or sickness. It was something they weren’t familiar with, and they sensed I was different. Different enough to be worthy of their concern.

I think what cinched it for them happened when I was about 16. There was this stray dog that kept coming around causing problems. It didn't matter how many times we forced it out or drove it miles away, he always came back. My dad asked if he could borrow my .22 because he planned on shooting it. I looked at him and just knew it would be much harder for him to do it than me, but it had to be done. I looked at him and said I’d do it. I took the dog into the woods with my gun and a shovel, shot it and buried it. It wasn't easy, because I absolutely love dogs, but it was something that had to be done. I swear after that, my parents were scared that they were raising a psychopath. They thought that I wanted to do it, like I got some sick kind of satisfaction out of it, not that it was a job that needed doing, and I was the best qualified.

I understand not fitting in and being different. It’s why I said being a warrior can be a lonely path. I thank God I married a woman who sees that part of me, and instead of trying to change it, or thinks I’m broke. She honors and respects it for the calling that it is. She has let me deploy and deploy because she knows that is where I belong. I love her for it, and I am lucky to have found a partner like her. She defends me when family talks about me not being home for my family, and doesn't let them put me down.

I want your thoughts and opinions on this. I know many people will disagree with me on this, but I hope it will resonate with the Warriors, and maybe help them realize that, even though they may be different, they most certainly aren't broken or damaged.